Movie Review: Prometheus

Because this movie is mostly out of theaters, and because I found it a loathsome piece of trash, there are going to be a few spoilers, so just be forewarned. I assure you that at the end of the day, you'll thank me for saving you ten bucks and several hours of your life.

First off, go and read this review: 5 Lessons About Terrible Storycraft You Can Learn from “Prometheus” (2012). The author pretty much hits on every point I found frustrating with this film, so rather than write my own soapbox rant, please read his.

I agree on every level the points the author brings up.

What I hated most about this movie was its complete unwillingness to portray scientists as anything other than moronic children, stumbling through the dark while kicking over rocks to see if any bugs crawl out. Supposedly professional scientists stick their fingers in alien goop just because it’s there, they revivify severed alien heads, they poke and prod and remove their helmets just because “the air is okay”...the violations of what would be standard operating procedures put in place to protect their lives are too numerous to count.

Furthermore, and almost as annoying, this was supposed to be a trillion-dollar excursion across the known galaxy, to make one of mankind's most important scientific discoveries, but apparently the crew was picked up at random like some press-ganged British merchant vessel circa 1790. When the characters awake from their hyper-sleep, you realize most of them don’t even know who the rest of the crew is, or why they’re along for the ride. The two archaeologists have to give a five minute brief (which is so obviously for the audience, another thing that annoys me) in order to tell all these people why they just took a two-year long nap in space. Yeah, space travel is clearly more common in this movie, but c’mon, no one was even told why they are here?

Like I said, I agree with all the reviewers points, but the one I agree with most is the stupidity of making characters who are supposed to be brilliant, top-tier experts in their respective fields, into drooling, slack-jawed morons who do stupid things because that’s the only way Bad Stuff can apparently happen. I understand that this was supposed to be the film that ties up all the questions posed by one of the most famous sci-fi horror movie franchises, but the fact that it was approached with all the skill of crafting a B-grade summer camp slasher movie disgusts me to no end.